The Power of Invitational Communication
August 19, 2021
Partnering with your child for best academic results.
Do you remember the last time someone told you what to do? I was laughing at myself at the cottage this week, as my friend jokingly told me how to improve my form in an exercise I was doing on the dock. I didn’t receive it well. In contrast, the day before, I had been attempting to do a back dive again that I hadn’t done in years. My daughter celebrated my efforts. Great job mom! With that affirmation, I became curious at her perspective of the dive and wondered how it looked. She saw me ponder and said. ‘Would you like me to video tape it mom?’ She invited me to observe and to have the opportunity to improve. I agreed. I felt more confident with her recognition. I wanted feedback. I wanted to have the opportunity to improve it. I wanted to do well.
The invitational approach excited me and gave me the desire to learn.
When you partner with your child in their learning, celebrating their effort and inviting them to receive your support, they too can choose to engage in the learning process.
An author and clinical child psychologist, Ross W. Greene, PhD says “Children do well if they can, and if they can’t, we as parents and teachers need to figure out what is getting in their way.” We all want to succeed. Success is a process. It is not about what we are or are not now, our identify or ‘fixed mindset’. Instead, it is about our current skills; what skills we have and don’t and how we continue to apply our effort in the right direction to get the result s we want, a ‘growth mindset.’
For more information on growth mindset check out my post from a few weeks ago.
Invitational communication is NOT controlling but rather about partnering with our child. As we prepare for the busy fall, I encourage you to sit down and have a conversation with your child about HOW you can partner with them in a way that works best for them and for you. The ‘what’ is given, their job as students is to build their base of knowledge. That doesn’t change. Inviting them into the idea that the ‘how’ of learning is flexible and inviting them into helping design a plan that works well for them, will invite their engagement.
For example:
- There can be flexibility as to when they do their daily homework - early am, after school, at the supper table before or evening hour.
- There can be flexibility as to where they do their homework - quiet space or around a group table alongside others.
- There can be flexibility to their approach to their homework - reinforcement by rewriting linear notes, central theme branched notes like the hub of a wheel or putting review material into a song.
If they have a voice in the how, they will be more invested in the outcome. You can then reevaluate the plan regularly, with more frequency at the beginning and less as you get to a routine that works for all of you (once a week to begin with and monthly later on). Adjust the plan until it works. Together, you are partnering in the ‘how’ of learning until you get the success you are both looking for. To learn more about how to set up this conversation with your child, watch my video ”Distance learning-5 tips to success” (you don’t need to be preparing for distance learning for this video to be helpful).
Welcome to Episode 1 of Their Best Parent!
I invite you to pause and reflect on a few key tips for prioritizing what matters most in your child’s academic success, so that we, as parents, can be our child’s best support.
How can you, as a parent encourage a growth mindset in your child? How do you approach challenges? Do you encourage effort or only focus on results?
If you're like me, you could use a bit of inspiration. I find students motivate me; because they have that hard-to-manufacture quality called hope. If you need inspiration, this one's for you!
Self-care is the fuel you may be missing! Have you stopped to think... "what does self-care look like for me? How do I ensure I show up at my best?." We need to put on our own mask first before helping others. Do you prioritize your own self-care? If not, this episode would be helpful for you.
Motivation is the energy we all operate out of. Motivation is one of if not the most important thing to focus on in your child's learning journey. How do we fuel motivation? How can we motivate our kids when they don't like school or feel discouraged? Read this blog post for more.
Do you think that boundaries can in fact promote freedom? It's an interesting idea and is worth considering. How do we, as parents, provide boundaries that help and not inhibit their growth.
Do you catch your child when they are winning? Do you praise their victories? Or are you more likely to notice when they fail? As parents, our role is imperative. Catch your child winning and remind them of what they are good at. This will help them when they do fail. Check out this blog post for more on this.
Sometimes, as parents, we are just trying to get through the day to day. We forget to realize that our inattentive nature is hindering our child's learning. This is something that we can't ignore. This is an opportunity, not a criticism. Try for a week and see the impact in your child. I promise it will be fruitful.
How do you respond when things go wrong? I know for me, I have seen better days. We are only human. But. there are a significant number of studies that prove that responding with a growth mindset when things go wrong has a huge impact on your learning and the learning of your child.