The Power of Invitational Communication

Breah Robinson • August 19, 2021

Partnering with your child for best academic results.

Do you remember the last time someone told you what to do? I was laughing at myself at the cottage this week, as my friend jokingly told me how to improve my form in an exercise I was doing on the dock. I didn’t receive it well. In contrast, the day before, I had been attempting to do a back dive again that I hadn’t done in years. My daughter celebrated my efforts. Great job mom! With that affirmation, I became curious at her perspective of the dive and wondered how it looked. She saw me ponder and said. ‘Would you like me to video tape it mom?’ She invited me to observe and to have the opportunity to improve. I agreed. I felt more confident with her recognition. I wanted feedback. I wanted to have the opportunity to improve it. I wanted to do well.


The invitational approach excited me and gave me the desire to learn. 

When you partner with your child in their learning, celebrating their effort and inviting them to receive your support, they too can choose to engage in the learning process. 

An author and clinical child psychologist, Ross W. Greene, PhD says “Children do well if they can, and if they can’t, we as parents and teachers need to figure out what is getting in their way.” We all want to succeed. Success is a process. It is not about what we are or are not now, our identify or ‘fixed mindset’. Instead, it is about our current skills; what skills we have and don’t and how we continue to apply our effort in the right direction to get the result   s we want, a ‘growth mindset.’ 


Invitational communication is NOT controlling but rather about partnering with our child. As we prepare for the busy fall, I encourage you to sit down and have a conversation with your child about HOW you can partner with them in a way that works best for them and for you. The ‘what’ is given, their job as students is to build their base of knowledge. That doesn’t change. Inviting them into the idea that the ‘how’ of learning is flexible and inviting them into helping design a plan that works well for them, will invite their engagement. 

For example:
  • There can be flexibility as to when they do their daily homework - early am, after school, at the supper table before or evening hour. 
  • There can be flexibility as to where they do their homework - quiet space or around a group table alongside others. 
  • There can be flexibility to their approach to their homework -  reinforcement by rewriting linear notes, central theme branched notes like the hub of a wheel or putting review material into a song.
If they have a voice in the how, they will be more invested in the outcome. You can then reevaluate the plan regularly, with more frequency at the beginning and less as you get to a routine that works for all of you (once a week to begin with and monthly later on). Adjust the plan until it works. Together, you are partnering in the ‘how’ of learning until you get the success you are both looking for. To learn more about how to set up this conversation with your child, watch my video ” Distance learning-5 tips to success ” (you don’t need to be preparing for distance learning for this video to be helpful).

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