Support

How to support your kids

breah@deliberateu.com (Breah Robinson) — Sat, 24 Sep 2022 08:13:00 GMT

Back to school - setting the stage for an awesome year!

The school year is now in full swing!
Are you beginning to feel the pressure mount in supporting your child’s academics? It’s hard not to. We know that good habits are the key to success and yet…we are juggling so many things…..

I invite you to pause and reflect on a few key tips for prioritizing what matters most in your child’s academic success, so that we, as parents, can be our child’s best support.
Here are the four tips! 1.Pay attention to your child - Free up moments of focused intentional time every day for each child. 5-10 minutes a day can make a huge difference.

Notice what makes them unique?
Are they mentioning any issues or concerns from school? What may be underneath what they are telling you? For more details on how to do this well and why it is important, click here for our blog post with tips to focus your attention .

2.Use invitational language when supporting your child - When you partner with your child in their learning, celebrating their effort and inviting them to receive your support, they engage more in the learning process. Choose invitational language, like us, all children love choice. click here to check out our blog post for a deep dive into this topic !
3.Catch them winning! - It is so easy for our children to lose their motivation. A few errors can lead to questions of - ”am I good enough”. Comparison to others or to the “standard” can really be the thief of their joy and motivation and can affect their confidence. As parents, we can help to fuel their motivation . Catching them winning and celebrating what they are doing well makes such a difference in maintaining and encouraging their motivation. Click here to read more about Fueling their Motivation
4.Watch how you respond when things go wrong. How did you respond when your child last did something wrong or brought home a poor grade? Did you respond positively and with encouragement? Or, after an exhausting day, did the expression on your face show your discouragement? It's always hard to see those you love struggle. Even often harder than if it were you struggling yourself. What are they observing in you? What hidden fears are we demonstrating? Yes, our children are always watching. The good news is that errors are part of the learning process. Learn more about getting comfortable with errors as you encourage them to press into the ‘edges’ of learning. For more on this subject, click here to read our post .
I am with you! I’ve been there, both as a parent of 4 (now adult graduates) and as a teacher. I’ve struggled with all of the above. You’re not alone in this. Choose one area that is most jumping off the page at you and take action.
See the beauty that unfolds and reach out so I can celebrate your win!
I’m cheering for you.

Three steps to encourage a growth mindset.

breah@deliberateu.com (Breah Robinson) — Fri, 05 Nov 2021 23:28:00 GMT

How can you, as a parent encourage a growth mindset in your child?

As a parent and an educator, I have observed that the most important thing for your child's success is to help them embrace a growth mindset. This idea of a growth mindset is not a new concept. Our parents would have expounded the strength of a strong work ethic; to get up off the ground after a fall and 'get back on the horse'. In simple terms, a fixed mindset says 'I can't" and a growth mindset says "I am not able yet..., but with practice, the right resources and consistent effort over time, I will grow in those abilities".

I observe that it can be easier to blame external causes or find solutions that are outside of the students' control. What if, instead we came alongside them in the problem and looked for a solution together. Would that not give them the message more that we believe they can accomplish it, with support?. If you'd like to learn more about the power of applying a growth mindset, click here to read a previous blog post that explains this in more detail. Today, I am sharing 3 simple steps to help your child embrace a growth mindset over a fixed mindset.

Today, I am sharing 3 simple steps to help your child embrace a growth mindset over a fixed mindset.
1.Choose & embrace challenges instead of avoiding them Help your child step into challenges to embrace a learning journey

Choose a more challenging subject - while taking an easy course can offset the pressure and help them get good grades, the challenge courses will require them to learn study habits that will increase their capacity for learning. Then they gain the confidence to take on more challenges that open up their opportunities.
Encourage them if they wish to take on a complex project-with your support they will learn more in carrying through on their ideas-that you can help them right size to success.

2. See effort and failure as part of the journey rather than focusing on the failure or “mistake” Celebrate effort Remind your child that they are designed to grow and get better throughout life and mistakes are part of how we learn.

When your child brings a poor grade back from school help them go through the test or assignment and identify where they went wrong and correct it.
Create a list of how they can improve next time, (read questions twice, show all steps, highlight information given) then celebrate the learning they got in the process of correcting their mistakes..

3. Celebrate the success of other students Be inspired by friends or classmates who have worked hard or have just created or learned something cool rather than feeling behind or worried.

Have you ever viewed other’s success as a challenge or a threat to your child’s? Increased the pressure on your child by comparing them to others?
Support your child in seeing and celebrating others successes and the effort another has put in to learn a skill. Build a culture in your home celebrating effort and learning.

How does that feel? Does it feel like a good start?
Think about how you have viewed your child’s education or responded in different situations like the ones outlined above, what are you going to do over the next month to adjust your style to encourage a growth mindset?
Choose one tip from above to move forward with your child today.

We all need some inspiration!

breah@deliberateu.com (Breah Robinson) — Sat, 02 Oct 2021 19:20:00 GMT

How one 9-year-old inspired a nation...

If you’re like me, you could use a bit of inspiration. With the news continuing on with messages that often seem contradictory, I noticed a bit of malaise creeping over me. Yes, we are back in school and no, masks are not so bad, but the restrictions can dampen our hope.
I find students motivate me, children inspire me; because they have that hard to manufacture quality called hope. They look at the world with wonder and hope and we can’t help but be inspired walking alongside them.

Take a pause this Saturday and read an inspirational story of a 9-year-old boy who overcame great adversity to move forward, in the year 1932.
As always, reach out for help. We want to support you and your children well. Put up your hand - aka -hit reply and sign up for a free conversation to discuss how to help your child advance in their academic skills. Lennie Gwyther and Ginger Mick an Inspiring Story
“So picture this. It’s 1932 and Australia is in the grip of the Great Depression. One in three workers are unemployed. Decrepit shanty towns hug the outskirts of the big cities. A scrawny rabbit caught in a trap will feed a family for a week. Country roads are filled with broken men walking from one farmhouse to another seeking menial jobs and food. On the outskirts of the South Gippsland town of Leongatha, an injured farmer lies in bed unable to walk – or work. World War I hero Captain Leo Tennyson Gwyther is in hospital with a broken leg and the family farm is in danger of falling into ruins. Up steps his son, nine-year-old Lennie. With the help of his pony Ginger Mick, Lennie ploughs the farm’s 24 paddocks and keeps the place running until his father can get back on his feet. How to reward him? Lennie has been obsessively following one of the biggest engineering feats of the era – the construction of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. He wants to attend its opening. With great reluctance, his parents agree he can go. So Lennie saddles up Ginger Mick, packs a toothbrush, pyjamas, spare clothes and a water bottle into a sack, and begins the 1000+ kilometre trek to Sydney. Alone. That’s right. A nine-year-old boy riding a pony from the deep south of Victoria to the biggest and roughest city in the nation. Told you it was a different era. No social media. No mobile phones. But even then it doesn’t take long before word begins to spread about a boy, his horse and their epic trek. The entire population of small country towns gather on their outskirts to welcome his arrival. He survives bushfires, is attacked by a “vagabond” and endures rain and cold, biting winds.

When he reaches Canberra he is welcomed by Prime Minister Joseph Lyons, who invites him into Parliament House for tea. When he finally arrives in Sydney, more than 10,000 people line the streets to greet him. He is besieged by autograph hunters. He becomes a key part of the official parade at the bridge’s opening. He and Ginger Mick are invited to make a starring appearance at the Royal Show. Even Donald Bradman, the biggest celebrity of the Depression era, requests a meeting and gives him a signed cricket bat. A letter writer to The Sydney Morning Herald at the time gushes that “just such an example as provided by a child of nine summers, Lennie Gwyther was, and is, needed to raise the spirit of our people and to fire our youth and others to do things – not to talk only. “The sturdy pioneer spirit is not dead … let it be remembered that this little lad, when his father was in hospital, cultivated the farm – a mere child.” When Lennie leaves Sydney for home a month later, he has become one of the most famous figures in a country craving uplifting news. Large crowds wave handkerchiefs. Women weep and shout “goodbye”. According to The Sun newspaper, “Lennie, being a casual Australian, swung into the saddle and called ‘Toodleloo!'" These days you can find a bronze statue in Leongatha commemorating Lennie and Ginger Mick.” from Garry Linnell's article in The New Daily”

What can we learn from this 9 year old when thinking about our own children? How can this inspire you in supporting in their learning journey? Let it sink in and fill you in those toughened places and consider how you too might move forward this coming week.

Fuel Their Motivation - keep motivation at the forefront

breah@deliberateu.com (Breah Robinson) — Fri, 10 Sep 2021 18:03:00 GMT

Keep motivation at the forefront of their education

Motivation is the energy we all operate out of. You likely witnessed your child’s motivation this summer. Perhaps it shone in your child’s eyes when they raced outdoors for a pick up game of basketball. Perhaps you saw the glimmer of it in the discovery of an insect fluttering over the grass or a shriek of glee as a frog escaped their net with such powerful back legs. Perhaps it was the amazement of the night sky that stretched 360 degrees while lying on their backs or the delight of a shared meal they helped create. Perhaps you witnessed it in a smile while watching someone they love receive their help or the laughter they received in their well timed joke.

There is a saying, ‘It's your own fault if you fail to manage your motivation”. We need to be motivated. Motivation is our source of energy. Therefore, your child’s motivation is integral to their academic plan. Where does this motivation come from and how do we cultivate it?

4 tips to cultivate your child’s motivation.

1. Remember WHY it is important.

Spend time with your child to help them understand the ‘why’ of each part of their academic plan. All rules and structure are for a good reason. If they are not well reasoned, establish some process whereby your children can voice a different approach.

At DeliberateU Tutoring, we support the structure of daily reinforcement, with the goal of 15 min of homework a day. This is supported after each tutoring session with a summary report of key learning and an easy checklist at the base so students can track their habits and their progress easily-to celebrate their wins!.

Why daily reinforcement? Why 15 minutes?

The science shows that regular repetition in short segments promotes the best learning. 36 days of reinforcement builds a habit. Daily learning habits are the leading indicator for academic success. (Yes, even more than their starting IQ )

2. Envision the future - envision the success if you do it and feel the regret if you don’t.

Again, this process is for you and your child together. They need to envision what success looks like for them. One young male student receiving tutoring had a goal to be ‘faster than the girls’ in his multiplication facts. Each month we would check in with the question. :"Are you faster than the girls yet? "When we restated his goal and his source of motivation, he was reminded of what he was building towards… and one day he strode into the session confidently stating 'I beat the girls'.

3. Create a supportive environment - Fill your home with authentic celebration.

Say out loud the progress you see -each time you see it. "You sat down to do your homework as you said'. "Wow , you really focused '. "Nice of you to offer your brother help'. "good of you to notice that detail'.

Help support their studies with a good physical space. Perhaps you can offer some time to help them set it up. Remember to give them a voice in what works for them.

Encourage them to find school supports .

Their Teacher -Practice some good questions to ask and how you might ask them . Try role playing this important skills. For example, arrive a little early or lag behind at break to catch a moment with your teacher. "Could you go over the last example again after break?"as well:

Their peers. Help them identify skilled students who they might team up with. What kind of skills-well they can learn to see the skills in each of their peers and choose to get support with those who have skills in areas they are weak. For example-social skills-organization skills-problem solving skills-recall of details-they always remember, kindness-they always encourage-math fact skills. Help them practice teaming up with fellow students who are good at things they are not. Suggest they ask that student for help by acknowledging their peers gift first and then asking for their support." You are good at getting the details-can i run my list by you to make sure I didn't miss anything?" Suggest pairing up with a motivated hard working friend to study together.

4. Take breaks when needed Brainstorm a list of what refuels them: Time outside, a ride on a bicycle, a call with a friend, a physical task, solving a small problem, building or creating or designing.

Whenever they get foggy or have a dip in motivation, they can grab one of these 'breaks' to refuel.

The bottom line - pay attention to your motivation!

The Power of Invitational Communication

breah@deliberateu.com (Breah Robinson) — Thu, 19 Aug 2021 00:41:00 GMT

Partnering with your child for best academic results.

Do you remember the last time someone told you what to do? I was laughing at myself at the cottage this week, as my friend jokingly told me how to improve my form in an exercise I was doing on the dock. I didn’t receive it well. In contrast, the day before, I had been attempting to do a back dive again that I hadn’t done in years. My daughter celebrated my efforts. Great job mom! With that affirmation, I became curious at her perspective of the dive and wondered how it looked. She saw me ponder and said. ‘Would you like me to video tape it mom?’ She invited me to observe and to have the opportunity to improve. I agreed. I felt more confident with her recognition. I wanted feedback. I wanted to have the opportunity to improve it. I wanted to do well.

The invitational approach excited me and gave me the desire to learn.

When you partner with your child in their learning, celebrating their effort and inviting them to receive your support, they too can choose to engage in the learning process.

An author and clinical child psychologist, Ross W. Greene, PhD says “Children do well if they can, and if they can’t, we as parents and teachers need to figure out what is getting in their way.” We all want to succeed. Success is a process. It is not about what we are or are not now, our identify or ‘fixed mindset’. Instead, it is about our current skills; what skills we have and don’t and how we continue to apply our effort in the right direction to get the result s we want, a ‘growth mindset.’

For more information on growth mindset check out my post from a few weeks ago .

Invitational communication is NOT controlling but rather about partnering with our child. As we prepare for the busy fall, I encourage you to sit down and have a conversation with your child about HOW you can partner with them in a way that works best for them and for you. The ‘what’ is given, their job as students is to build their base of knowledge. That doesn’t change. Inviting them into the idea that the ‘how’ of learning is flexible and inviting them into helping design a plan that works well for them, will invite their engagement.

For example:

There can be flexibility as to when they do their daily homework - early am, after school, at the supper table before or evening hour.
There can be flexibility as to where they do their homework - quiet space or around a group table alongside others.
There can be flexibility to their approach to their homework - reinforcement by rewriting linear notes, central theme branched notes like the hub of a wheel or putting review material into a song.

If they have a voice in the how, they will be more invested in the outcome. You can then reevaluate the plan regularly, with more frequency at the beginning and less as you get to a routine that works for all of you (once a week to begin with and monthly later on). Adjust the plan until it works. Together, you are partnering in the ‘how’ of learning until you get the success you are both looking for. To learn more about how to set up this conversation with your child, watch my video ” Distance learning-5 tips to success ” (you don’t need to be preparing for distance learning for this video to be helpful).

Pay Attention

breah@deliberateu.com (Breah Robinson) — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 23:19:00 GMT

The more you pay attention to your child the more they will learn.

You can learn almost everything you need to know about your children by paying close attention to them. It's not easy, especially in today's rush-rush world. Not many of us can take life at a leisurely pace, and I know I'm not the only parent who's made multitasking a lifestyle. I read in the bathtub. I talk on the phone while cooking or gardening. I'm writing this at home while eating Thai noodles with basil and chicken.
Multitasking is not always appropriate. Children require focused attention. No, not every moment, but much of the time. If you don't really know your child, how will you understand what's wrong when things go wrong? How will you pick up the clues when your child is struggling in school? How will you understand how to make learning work best for your child?
It is theoretically a good idea… Use your multitasking to free up time to spend with your kids.

Focus Parenting requires time. Building effective, positive learning habits requires paying attention to what is working and what is weak in your child's learning habits. Invest the time upfront, it will be worth it. Smiles, confidence, and a more open future are worth the time.
Big and Little “Troubles” The odd thing is that, contrary to popular belief and the dim, vain hopes of sleep-deprived new parents, parenting doesn't become easier as your children grow. When your child is a baby, yeah, you're changing diapers, nursing, and burping the baby every five minutes. As your kid gets older, less minute-by-minute attention is required but with a baby, your worries are relatively small. The older your child gets, the more things can go wrong. School, friends, behavior, independence issues—as the old Yiddish saying goes: “Little children, little troubles. Big children, big troubles.” The good news is that young children learn rote activities. If you start early, making 15 minutes a day sit-down homework (same time and place) a rote activity, your young child will already have the learning habit that makes the most difference to improved grades. Now, more than ever, your kids need you to pay attention.
Pay Attention! Easier Said Than Done I can tell you the importance of both quantity and quality time when you're trying to raise well-educated kids, but it won't do you or your kids any good if you simply clear your schedule or quit your job. It's not enough to be there, hands idle, ears perked. Paying attention means more than being physically present. It means learning how to listen to your kids. Sometimes just listening is enough help. As your child speaks, It helps them organize their thoughts and sound them off with someone they trust. By thinking out loud, it gives them the opportunity to test out their thinking and try on the ideas, to contextualize and decipher the themes. To help, paraphrase a summary every once in a while to clarify that you have heard them correctly. Asking them questions to encourage them to check the facts of their conclusions can help them right size their perspective. If the facts don’t line up, you can ask them why they think that way? Help them think through the facts. People tolerate your conclusions but act on their own. Help them think through their conclusions by asking questions. (Rest assured, you can still have a busy life and do all this).
Good, quality attention will improve your understanding of the way your child thinks. When you listen to your child, you will hear where the barriers are and you can strategize with them to get what they need to be more successful. Pay attention to them to see if you need to cue up more support to help them build the learning habits for their success.

When things go wrong

breah@deliberateu.com (Breah Robinson) — Sat, 07 Aug 2021 16:22:00 GMT

Operating from a growth mindset

In last week’s blog, an opportunity vs. a barrier , I reflected on the beauty of a combination of the two perspectives: the glass half full and the glass half empty. The half full perspective is looking at a situation optimistically which in turn motivates others to dream and think forward towards new opportunities. That optimism in isolation of accurate information collection, however, can be unrealistic. On the other side, the glass half empty perspective in isolation can lack the hope of an improved future. A combination of the two perspectives brings balance and health.
In the same way, we want to reflect on the balance when things go wrong. Let's think about an example for a minute… let's say your child returns with a poor grade.

The glass half full perspective could quickly go to optimism, encouraging the child with vague general statements like, ``You'll do better next time” and “I believe in you”. While that is nice that someone is on their side-they lack the data or measurement to identify what in fact went wrong.
The glass half empty parent might ask to look over the test with the student and find all the places where the child went wrong and create a list of things to fix, perhaps forgetting to share the optimism of , “hey, I see a theme with these errors-if we fix that one inaccuracy in those questions-you could gain 5 whole points”.

This is where the concept of a growth mindset can be super helpful as it is a wonderful combination of both perspectives. The general concept and research behind a growth mindset explains that in situations, you can either operate with a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. Fixed mindset statements are ones that state a closed door to learning, where growth mindset statements look to where change can bring an improvement. A fixed mindset statement would be “I’m not good at this”, whereas a growth mindset statement would be “What am I missing?”.

Check out these additional examples! I think you will be surprised to hear the difference.

Operating with a growth mindset is such a powerful approach because then the focus is no longer on the result but rather the attitude of looking for growth.
I encourage you to:

Watch this video from Carol Dweck to really master the concept of growth mindset.
Print out the list above and paste it on your wall.
Have your child rephrase their fixed mindset statements with the corresponding growth mindset approach.

Through this, you will see the power of things going wrong and the beauty of the learning that comes from these.

An Opportunity vs a Barrier

breah@deliberateu.com (Breah Robinson) — Fri, 30 Jul 2021 17:56:00 GMT

How do you see new challenges?

Have you ever noticed that some people see a new situation from a positive angle and others will see the same situation from a negative one? Have you thought about which approach you would prefer to be around? Which approach are you more likely to want to collaborate or team with? Which approach is more likely to move a situation forward well?

It’s interesting how much of an impact how you (or others) see/approach a situation has on your ability to move forward. On one hand, someone who sees everything as positive while seemingly ignoring and walking right on by a spouting, leaking faucet (or a big problem) is not helpful. On the other hand, someone who is overly analytical and critical in situations is also not helpful. The overly analytical person will catch the leaks and get them fixed but they will probably miss the good things going on in the moment that the positive person caught and recognized.

We need a balance of both perspectives

Can I suggest that we can look at these weak links (leaky faucets) with the positive angle of the optimist? Look at the half glass of water with a half-full perspective. What would it be like if we were realistic, looking to be aware of the places that ‘need to improve’ and see the opportunity as opposed to the barrier?

In the heart of COVID... we had the temptation to let our mindset go either way; see the barrier or see the opportunity. I would suggest, that in the midst of a lot of tough things, we could choose a half-full perspective. While we lost group sports, we gained wide gameplay with our neighbours. We may have lost in-class time, yet we gained further understanding of our families by working alongside them and seeing their work worlds. We lost food in restaurants and gained fun experiences in the kitchen. We missed in-person connections while gaining connections with a wider community.

Perhaps our moments are worth looking at with both of these perspectives ; both seeking solutions to address barriers while remaining aware and grateful for the opportunities in everyday moments.

I would suggest that you teach your children to see from both perspectives. Help them practice and be thankful for these opportunities in the midst of hard times. With this mindset shift, they will see the beauty and opportunities in change instead of the obstacles and barriers.

Pacing Yourself: 90 Focus, 10 Re Fuel

breah@deliberateu.com (Breah Robinson) — Mon, 05 Apr 2021 17:38:00 GMT

Pacing Yourself to build in refueling moments

Any of you, at the end of a long weekend get enough rest to realize how tired you are?

You've been running hard and you've made lots of successful pivots to continual changes we face.

Then, we hear of more Ontario wide changes and more uncertainty.

We will be ok. Who is going to ensure that we are ok? It has to be us. How do we ensure that we will be more than ok? We will more than ok, IF we take charge of our day. Its got to be us, pacing ourselves to include holiday, rest and refuel in EVERY DAY....in fact EVERY hour.

How?

Pacing ourselves every hour... yes, you heard it right. Why wait for holidays until later, re fuel every hour in these 4 specific ways.

This is how is works.

90 minutes Focus and 10 min Re Fuel.

How to Re Fuel-*ya-we are not as good at that! The Power of Full Engagement' by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz calls them Rapid Recovery Rituals

Physical-rehydrate, exercise,

Emotional -connect by phone with a friend, set up a time to anticipate, look forward to

Mental-let my mind wander, put on some music, pull out a sketchpad, grab a moment outside

Spiritual-how I want to be remembered, how do I want to help? revisit my sense of purpose

90 Focus followed by 10 min Re Fuel

Is this a hard and fast 90/10 routine...well it can be. It can also be that you just recognize that our bodies work that way. You can't just ignore your bodies signals to eat, or to sleep, or to walk away. Begin to pay attention to your body and you will see your rising frustration earlier-you will realize you have come to the end of your Focus time and its time to Re Fuel.

Want to learn more?